Being alone may not be comfortable but, it's being alone that allows you space and time to figure out who you are.
It’s being alone that allows you to realize your strengths.
It’s being alone that allows you to slow down and breathe, to stop living someone else’s dream.
Sitting here I realize my whole life I’ve lived someone else’s dreams.
So much time has passed, as I lived someone else’s life.
Years spent being told what I should like and what to believe.
What it is to be a woman.
Who I should love and when I should cry.
What I should be and for that matter, who I should be and to sacrifice my dreams.
That sacrificing my dreams was a mandatory action in order to show my love for someone.
Always putting others first over me.
Those ones, so very dark, those ones.
They beat me and scarred me, and used my body for depravity.
I was left broken and bleeding.
Every act a planned cruelty.
Laughed at and forgotten once they were finished.
No more than a plaything for their selfish ambition.
Oh god the dark nights.
Fear consumed my every breath.
Darkness closing in on every side
It caused uncertainty and instability.
It caused me to believe I wasn’t enough.
But I realize... that was the lie that stole my life away from me.
I realize... that was the lie that made me love someone else’s life.
Coming to realize I’ve been living someone else’s life is like the wind being knocked out of me.
I realize... all those dark nights as a child taught me to be attracted to the darkness;
to be attracted to those dark ones.
It taught me to be sad.
It taught me to accept cruelty as love.
It taught me conformity.
It taught me to seek after those who would bring destruction and mediocrity.
In the aftermath of decades past I realize something important...
I was meant for greatness beyond even my own expectations, wildest imaginations and dreams.
I was meant to feel the wind on my face as I soar with the eagles.
I was meant to hear the stars whispering ancient mysteries.
I was meant to laugh and feel joy every day, and to never be afraid.
I realize, if I was taught to seek after darkness, it’s something I can unlearn.
I realize... the more I unlearn what I was taught, then who I really am will be uncovered.
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