For me, God isn't just God. He is The Trinity. The Father, The Son Jesus and The Holy Spirit. To me, He is a Father. The Father who loves us beyond comparison. He is the one that wrote about the days we would live and the adventures we would complete. Jesus came as God incarnate to redeem humanity back to Himself. Jesus, The Christ is the Son of The Living God, who came and was sacrificed for all humanity. He is without blemish and sin and when He was crucified He took upon Himself ALL of the degradation and abhorrent evil mankind chose and chooses to take part in, redeeming us from death and torment; and restoring us back into eternal covenant with The Father. He is The Savior to all. To Him, I give every praise and ounce of glory my lungs can create. The Holy Spirit is the one here on Earth with us, guiding us, teaching us, breaking curses and protecting us. He is our friend and he only speaks according to The Word. He is kind and more gentle than a feather. He leads and teaches so precisely that we can't go wrong listening to Him. Personally, when I don't heed His wisdom I do not fare well at all. He saved my life countless times. They are one yet each plays a different role. They are gentlemen, and gracious to heights unknown. God The Father not only holds our eternity in the palm of His hands, He is Eternity. He is Elohim. Yahweh. The Ancient of Days. He was, He is, and He is to come.
Now, I didn't used to think or feel this way at all. To be honest, I thought He hated and despised me; that I was the ugliest, most undesirable and wretched human being to Him. Thinking The Father did not love me was devastating and brought me into so many circumstances that I would not have been in otherwise. I didn't understand my value and my worth in general and most importantly I didn't understand The Father's perspective and how He saw me. I also believed I had to be somebody other than who I was created to be; that I had to do something monumental. That I had to have some kind of ministry or business or win a medal, or I had to be perfect and perform in some other way in order for Him to accept and love me. It has taken me decades to understand those were complete lies that had taken root during the most depraved and traumatic moments in my life. Having to perform in order to be loved is a lie so many of us have believed because that is what's commonly taught. The truth of the matter is, I never did have to do anything and neither do you. He loves me for me and he loves you for you. Honestly, He simply loves us all because we are the most beautiful part of His creation, created in His image long before the foundations of the earth came into existence. I now understand He is unlike what most people portray Him to be. His love, extending to any universe known to mankind and beyond. His grace and his mercy is new every day and without Him our existence is futile.
To give you an idea of what life looked like for me, by the time I was 3 I had already experienced sexual abuse by family members and by the time I was 12 I had experienced physical, mental, emotional, and even more sexual abuse and started to self mutilate and I was placed in a mental facility for children. Shortly after, I ran away from home. By the time I was 14 I had been raped three times, was a victim of pedophilia many times over, struggled with weight issues, severe self-esteem issues, severe depression, self-loathing, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, and one lame half-hearted attempt to end my life. I was so desperate and starved for love. By 15 I had been forced into prostitution, smoked crack-cocaine, sniffed cocaine, had an eating disorder called bulimia, and drug addiction and ended up in a second mental health facility. By age 16 I had been raped again and suffered from an undiagnosed personality disorder. At age 21 I was jumped by eight other prostitutes as revenge for not going to work for their pimp and later that night I was shot at. I was a mess, my life was a mess, and was lost in a survival mode that can’t really be described with words.
I know there are many out there that have experienced a childhood similar to mine and the side effects it left behind wondering why it all happened. Although you lived or still live in the midst of hellish darkness, it is for those of you that have survived: childhood domestic violence, adulthood domestic violence, for those that have been left behind, unloved, shamed, rejected, forgotten, discarded, labeled, uncared for, stepped upon, forsaken, betrayed, raped, sexually molested/assaulted, mentally, physically, religiously, financially and emotionally abused and for those that lived or that still live in a living hell and made to feel like unworthy pieces of garbage, to the extent that not even God, The Father that created you would give you a second thought, it's for you that I share my story.
I don't care what mistakes you made or the lies you've believed up to this moment. Wherever you are in your life, it's time to stop living according to other people's expectations. It's time to stop living a performance-based life. It's time to stop trying to please those around you. It's time to stop living according to their truth. Living that way is like a slow and painfully tragic and torturous death over and over and over again.
I am here to refute those lies that are trying to stay relevant in your mind and your soul. You are worthy and worthy of the best. You are worthy of being loved. You are worthy of knowing who you were created to be. You are worthy according to the truth and destiny of eternity placed within you by God The Father who numbered the hairs on your head. God, The Father who laid the foundations of your soul and DNA. God, The Father that picked your eye color, the shape of your nose, that shape of your eyes, your butt (yup I said that), your beautiful feet and buck teeth, the freckles on your face, the curls in your hair, and the beautiful color of your skin. God The Father, has intricately woven every fiber of your being with the same amount of energy and precision that He created the universe with. He has declared you are worthy beyond your imagination and beyond what you can see.
It is so important for you to know that you have the power to overcome. You have the most powerful and protective force known to creation backing you up, cheering you on, and championing your every breath and every step you will ever take. God The Father, also known as The Father of Lights loves you with unbridled love and passion; it is beyond comprehension. It says in Psalm 32:7 that He is our hiding place and He keeps us from trouble; that He surrounds us with songs of deliverance. In Psalm 23 it says that even though we might walk through the valley of the shadow of death He is with us. I don't know about you but that makes me stop and think about all the dark places I was in and how alive these passages were and still are. The Father wants you to recognize the sacred beauty He wove into your DNA as He was creating you. He wants to teach you how to honor that and in turn, you will learn how to honor yourself. He wants you to take your place walking in perfect peace, as you learn to ride on the breath of His dawn.
I declare over you, that you were created with a spirit of love, power, and a sound mind. I declare over you, not only are you important to The Father, you are intricately woven into His plan in ways that you have yet to discover. You were created for greatness. You were created to be loved. You were created to live in peace that surpasses earthly understanding. You were created to be thought of, celebrated, and loved. You were created for excellence, magnificence, and so much more than you realize. You were created to be partakers of the divine nature of God. You are the righteousness of Jesus Christ and stand blameless and without blemish before God, The Father. It is Him and Him alone, that uncovers and lays bare all that is hidden so that we have a chance to live in freedom according to His perfect will. That freedom is available to everyone, not just the select few pretending to know Him.
Knowing Him and being known by Him, is such a real and palpable experience available to any person no matter the color of your skin or economic status. No matter your emotional or physical disposition. No matter where you are in your life and the mistakes you've made. Just like He surrounded me with His wrap-around presence of love and protection before I found my way back to Him, He surrounds all of His creation. Sometimes we make it harder on ourselves by holding onto bad habits that don't do us any good. Sometimes we hold on to pain we may have become addicted to and in turn, we have become dependent upon a substance too numb that pain. Sometimes it may boil down to learning to forgive someone that hurt you or, to forgive yourself because you've hurt someone.
All of Heaven has your back and is cheering you on as though you've already made it because you have. Be encouraged that you don't have to stay wherever you happen to be. But also know that, wherever you are, it is exactly where you are to be. It's okay to be perfectly imperfect. It really is. As long as you are unwilling to stay there. And even if you aren't ready, He never ever stops loving you, protecting you, and believing in you and do not let anyone tell you differently.
His voice is that of many waters and is so full of life and love. In my experience, even when I have stepped out of line and I am being corrected, there is such love and adoration when He speaks because the correction is rooted in love and His purpose is wash away anything that fights against His will coming to pass in your life.
Take a deep breath as His love encapsulates your heart and know that now is the time to discover that you are being called out of darkness into His marvelous light to discover how truly loved you are.
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