All Hail King Jesus

Darkness found me before I even had a chance to breath and raked me over the hot coals. Years I wandered broken and fractured, wondering if my existence was a form of torture I was slated to endure. Most days I didn't want to be alive. As a very young child and into adulthood I experienced levels of abuse many do not walk away from. It is only by the grace and mercy of God that I am here to share my story. I always wondered what purpose my life held, if any. I realize today, there was great purpose in every moment I endured. Good or bad. He used it all to shape me and form me into the woman I am today. No matter how hard I ran from The Father, He pursued me with ferocious unconditional love. Never taking His hand from me. The purpose of my life is to bring to light the darkness that tries to overtake many of us. 

 

To be blunt, I have survived human sex trafficking, pedophilia, incest, rape, physical, emotional, sexual, mental, and religious abuse, undiagnosed Lyme disease and Mono (EBV), severe undiagnosed depression and PTSD that lasted decades. I am a survivor of sex addiction, BDSM addiction, drug addiction, bulimia, and self-harm depression and PTSD. I harmed myself in many of the ways I had been abused, learning to associate pain with love and love with sex—never realizing it was okay to say no. I was conditioned to believe that “no” meant rejection, and I was groomed to accept abuse as a form of love. If I wasn’t in pain, I felt dead. These lies left deep fractures in my soul. My heart wandered, blind and broken, questioning if I could ever be loved—or if I was even allowed to be loved.

 

The most difficult to survive and overcome has been the narcissistic abuse and gaslighting that accompanied many years of my life. It crippled my heart and mind and I was pushed to the brink of suicide more times than I can count.

 

For those of us who have endured abuse—especially sexual abuse as children—our souls often fracture into countless pieces. The most beautiful parts of us splinter away. We bury ourselves in pits of nothingness, afraid to breathe without permission. We forget how to dream. We live for approval, seeking those who will control and manipulate us—because that is all we have ever known.

 

Could I dream? Could I hope? Could I live? Or was I doomed to spend my life merely surviving? I was told I was “used goods,” unworthy of love, my existence a waste. Worthlessness, dread, and fear consumed me. At night, darkness stalked me. Death taunted me. Shackles tightened around my mind until I thought I would not survive. I never realized I was worthy of love and protection. I didn’t know what real love felt like, so I lived trapped in cycles of heartbreak and destruction—crippled by fear, and imprisoned by lies. For four decades, I lived this way. And yet, what took me years to discover was this: I was already loved.

 

One day, while reading Psalm 139, I wept—not with agony, but with healing. For the first time, I could believe: I am loved. I am worthy of the birthright assigned to me before I ever existed. For the first time, I could breathe without fear.

It is my birthright to be whole, to be healed, to be loved, and to be protected. I am His sacred beauty. And there is no hell, no darkness, no high water, that can undo what He has decreed over my life.

The truth is, His love has always surrounded all of us—protecting the most beautiful parts of us. Even now, His love wraps around us, restoring dignity and sealing our eternal birthright as His beloved children.

As Song of Songs 2:1–2 declares:

“I am truly His rose, the very theme of His song.
I am overshadowed by His love, growing in the valley.
Yes, you are my darling companion. You stand out from all the rest.
For though the curse of sin surrounds you, still you remain as pure as a lily, even more than all the rest.”

Every lie I believed—every lie you have believed—He has already conquered. On the cross, Jesus triumphed over every shadow, every prison, every chain. Nothing can destroy what He has created for you. His love for you never fails. It is pure, intentional, unshakable.

 

You are not forgotten. You are not too broken. You are not beyond His reach. The very breath in your lungs is proof that your story is not over. The God who knit you together has never let go of you—not for a single heartbeat. Every scar you carry, He sees. Every tear you’ve shed, He has caught. Every lie you’ve believed, He is silencing with the truth of His love.

Step into that truth. Lift your head. Breathe deep.
You are His Sacred Beauty—treasured, chosen, redeemed.
And nothing—not even the darkest night—can steal the sunrise He has written for your life.