All Hail King Jesus

I am a survivor of human sex trafficking, pedophilia, incestuous behavior, physical, emotional, mental and religious abuse. I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse and a level of gaslighting that crippled my heart and mind and had me on the brink of suicide several times. I survived and overcame sex addiction, bdsm, drug addiction, bulemia, and self harm. I was addicted to pain and abuse, and if I wasn't in pain I felt dead. I harmed myself in the ways I was taught and did not know it was okay for me to say no. I was taught that saying no was a sign you didn't love someone and I was groomed and taught to accept abuse as a form of love. I was abandoned and forsaken by those I held dearest to my heart because, I carried the darkness and shame of those that hurt me and I became dirty and worthless. These circumstances left me with many breaches and fractures within my soul. My blinded heart wandered to and fro, wondering if I would or could ever be loved. I wondered if I was allowed to be loved. I wondered if I was good enough to be loved. Was I allowed to dream? Was I allowed to hope? Was I allowed to live? Would I always live my life surviving and living in fear of what each day would bring? Would I ever get to the place I saw myself getting to?​

 

For years I was treated as though my existence was a waste and held no value. I was told my dreams were too big to come true. I was told I was used goods and no one worth anything would ever love me. Worthlessness, dread and fear consumed my thoughts. At night, darkness stalked me and tormented me relentlessly. Many nights as I lay in bed weeping, I was overcome with a hopelessness that resulted in the shackles of lies being tightened more and more around my mind. 

 

For those of us that have experienced abuse as children, specifically sexual abuse, it leaves our souls and the most beautiful parts of us fractured into so many pieces. We end up burrowing into a pit of nothingness, too scared to even breath unless we are given permission. We don’t know how to give or receive healthy love. We don't know how to say no. We don't know how to dream. We end up living our lives for others and seeking out masters of manipulation, control, and abuse because that is all we know.​

 

So many of us don't realize we are worthy of love and worthy of being protected and safeguarded. We don't know what real love looks like or tastes like and we end up living a life of perpetual cycles of hell. We are fractured and living in an inner despair that consumes our every thought. Paralyzing us and keeping us ensnared to lies that control our every breath.​ I lived four decades paralyzed in fear and consumed with lies.

​​

What would take me years to understand is, I was already loved. There was one that held every dream I would ever dream and every ounce of hope I would ever dare to hold onto, despite the constant despair. There was one that held every good thought I dared to think of myself. He is The Way Maker. The Miracle Worker. The Gift Giver. The Breach Healer. The Balm Of Gilead. The One Who Is Love. The Eternal Lover. The Soul Mender. The Glory King. The Kinsman Redeemer. The Life Giver and The Dread Champion of your sacred beauty, King Jesus!

​

During a moment with Holy Spirit, I was led to the passage of Psalm 139 and Song of Songs 2:1-2. When I read these passages I wept. They were not tears of pain or agony but tears of refreshing and healing. For the first time, I began to understand, accept, and embrace that I was truly loved. That I was worthy of the birthright that had been designated to me long before I was even born. For the first time ever, I could breathe without fear. It is our birthright to be whole and loved, and healed. We are His sacred beauty and there is no hell or high water that can ever undo or diminish what He has decreed and set in place for us as His beloved children.

 

Sacred One, He's already triumphed over every lie that could ever be hurled at you, and every lie you've chosen to believe. He already brought them into submission by making the ultimate sacrifice of love. The sacrifice of His life for yours. He has set out a table of divine delicacies created by His love, light and glory. Nothing can destroy what He has created and laid out just for you. He holds your freedom in His hands. His love for you never fails and is the driving force of the life that He gave you. He willingly died for you because He loves you. Nothing can ever separate you from that love. Even if you run and try to hide, His love finds you. His love is intertwined with every cell of your being. You are Him and He is you and He simply cannot forsake Himself. He loves you with a love that is undying, unquenchable, untamable, purposeful, intent, lovely, pure, righteous, and good. It is time for you to grab hold of that truth!

 

There are so many good things He has in store for us as His children. He tells us in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you”, declares the Lord, “Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future". The darkness was relentless to strip us of our dignity, hope, and beauty but, its plans did not prosper. Song of Songs 2:1-2 reads, "I am truly His rose, the very theme of His song. I am overshadowed by His love, growing in the valley. Yes, you are my darling companion. You stand out from all the rest. For though the curse of sin surrounds you, still you remain as pure as a lily, even more than all the rest”. His love surrounded us and protected the most beautiful parts of us and He continues to surround us as we enter into His love and rest; grabbing hold of our eternal birthright as His children.