No Longer Theirs

Being alone may not be comfortable,

but it is in solitude that we find the space,

to discover who we are.

It is in solitude that we see our strengths.

It is in solitude that we slow down, breathe,

and stop living someones dream.

Sitting here, I realize -

my whole life I have lived someone else's dream.

So many years passed as I lived someone else's life.

I was told what I should be like,

what I should believe,

what it means to be a woman.

Who I should love.

When I should cry.

Who I should be -

and that I must sacrifice my dreams.

I was told sacrificing my dreams was proof of love.

I was told to always put others first, no matter the cost to myself.

Those ones... so very dark, those ones.

They beat me.

Scarred me.

Used my body for their depravity.

They left me broken and bleeding -

every act a calculated cruelty.

They laughed and forgot me once they were finished.

I was no more than a plaything for their selfish ambition.

Oh God, the dark nights.

Fear consumed my every breath.

Darkness closed in on every side,

bringing instability and uncertainty

It whispered the lie that I was not enough.

But I see now - that lie stole my life from me.

That lie kept me living someone else's life.

Realizing it feels like the wind has been knocked from my lungs.

I see it clearly:

those dark nights of my childhood taught me to be drawn to darkness.

They taught me to mistake cruelty for love.

They taught me sadness.

They taught me conformity.

They taught me to seek out destruction and mediocrity.

But now -

In the quiet aftermath of decades past -

I realize something important.

I was meant for greatness beyond my wildest dreams and imaginations.

I was meant to feel the wind on my face as I soar with the eagles.

I was meant to hear the stars whisper ancient mysteries.

I was meant to laugh and feel joy every day -

to never be afraid.

If I was taught to seek darkness,

then I can unlearn it.

The more I unlearn what was forced upon me,

the more my true self is uncovered.